So I have dodged and weaved and avoided my follow up psych assessment appointment. I’ve even lied and said he cancelled on me. I’m sorry guys. It just absolutely terrifies me. I can’t say why. It’s weird. But I just explained to a friend that it feels like that moment in the Lord of the Rings where Samwise, Pippin and Merry (mostly Merry) realise they have to do a thing. 

And the thing is going to make peace possible. And that is soooo cool but fuckkkking hell doing the thing is going to be scary and gross and uncomfortable and dangerous. There will be a necessity to miss out on second breakfast and elevensies!! Then there are the demonic beasties and rough roads to travel… What if I don’t survive? I guess I think…and people tell me… Survival will be more comfortable if I put in the fight.

You know what? I have also avoided all the recommendations in any meaningful way. I can talk the talk and make it sound like the best intentions have been put in place but I am really not walking the walk. 

But. I am not cancelling. I have an appointment in just over 60 minutes and I am going to attend. 
So, “…this is it. If I take one more step it’ll be the fatherst away from home I’ve ever been”.